The thesis of this month was learning how to insert Sonic Adventure swag into my melancholy serious visual novel. Somehow, against all odds, doing so has resulted in an overall more compelling narrative.

More below.

(Before I dive in, I want to share this write-up I did on participating in Steam Next Fest as a small developer with a small following. It is most relevant to other small developers, but anyone is welcome to read.)

Working on Amadeus this month, I found myself facing a familiar struggle:

• Amadeus is a game that deals with heavy themes and features a melancholy, sombre tone.
• It was inspired by many works of media that deal with similar themes.
• It is easiest for me to work on the game when I am actively invested in other media that engage with serious topics, from which I can draw inspiration.
• However...
• ...This month I became completely, absolutely, indescribably re-obsessed with Sonic Adventure for the SEGA Dreamcast.
• It has proved very difficult to focus on a melancholy work when all I can think about is the stupid-cool-fun hedgehog game.

I had a LOT of narrative work to do this month, and I did not have the motivation to do any of it. I love games like The House in Fata Morgana--I love that game so much more than this devlog will convey--but I absolutely could not for the life of me channel that love this month. All I wanted to talk about, all I wanted to think about, was how much I love the game where you go fishing and snowboarding to the sickest jams with the cheesiest lyrics known to man, and where there is a fascinating (and honestly very compelling) storytelling mechanism used to tell a story that is kind of dumb.

I was very stuck, because I wanted to preserve the super-serious original intention of Amadeus, but I also didn't want to make anything remotely like it at the moment. I wanted to honor its vibes, but I had no motivation to make progress on it as it was.

And then I had a very important realization.

• My roadmap for this project is to spend this year and the four after it working on the five episodes of Amadeus, building it into a complete story.
• I have ADHD. Being able to channel my current interests into my creative work is the only thing that will get me to the finish line.
• I have never gone anything close to 5 years in my entire life without getting massively re-obsessed with Sonic Adventure.
• Therefore: if I am going to finish a project I've devoted myself to for such a long span of time, it absolutely needs to have Sonic Adventure energy or I will never finish it.
  

So, I scrapped all of my assigned tasks for that week and gave myself a new and vital homework assignment: I was to make myself some tea, sit down outside with my laptop, and insert Sonic Adventure into my narrative. My assignment was to "find the fun" and do whatever was necessary to turn it into something I was excited about, even in the depths of my hedgehog obsession. I blasted the Sonic Adventure soundtrack on loop and channeled that music into my revisions.

A part of me was afraid of tarnishing the vision I originally set out to make, but the part of me that knows how to actually finish things knew that it is far more important to make sure this project I have committed myself to is one that I am completely in love with, one that reflects everything that I am.

Moreover, the fact that Sonic Adventure is a ridiculous game that is cooler than it is coherent doesn't mean that it doesn't take itself seriously. That's what I LIKE about it! I like the fact that it has heart and it tries to do too much. Inserting Sonic Adventure is absolutely NOT equivalent to removing sincerity. Inserting Sonic Adventure is itself an act of sincerity, because it's making the kind of game I want to make, even if that is at odds with what might make it the most cohesive. Or marketable.

Amadeus is still serious.

Amadeus is still heartfelt and meaningful.

Amadeus just has a liiiittle more fun and insanity pumping in its veins now. It's just a bit more chaotic. That's all.

(It is worth mentioning that there was already Sonic Adventure DNA in Amadeus from the get-go. It just happens that, as originally planned, that DNA would not make itself apparent until episode three or so. I have simply decided I am incapable of waiting that long to embrace it.)

I anticipated that doing this would motivate me to work on the game again, and it did. I have accomplished so much this month, the game is taking shape and I am getting so excited about it.

I did NOT anticipate, though, that this process would also tangibly improve the narrative! I thought that I was prioritizing my own enjoyment over the "quality" of the game, but it turns out I am getting both.

The task of "finding the fun" forced me to approach my existing narrative from a new perspective, and that new perspective--one where I was not taking myself quite so seriously all the time--led me to answers I'd never managed to figure out before. What's more, making creative decisions based on fun has resulted in... just... better storytelling. There is a particular scene that I added entirely 100% out of pure self-indulgence, motivated by the law of "because I want to;" yet now that it exists, this scene is so vital to the narrative flow I can't believe I ever considered shipping the game without it.

The only downside to this work is that in revising the narrative I have (yet again) increased the scope of the game. I have had another Certified Goalposts Moving Moment. Because of this, and losing a week to Next Fest, I have not quite built an updated version for playtesters to give feedback on my new mechanics, which was a major goal for the month to stay on track for release.

But that's one of the only goals for June that I haven't met! I've participated in Next Fest, I've listed and sketched out almost all of the remaining BGM pieces for the full game, I've gotten some new parts recorded and done mixing work for some of them, I've completely reworked and fleshed out the full narrative including a draft for every scene, I've started using two new tools to track these revisions and better manage my work; in all, I've made enough progress that I could definitely have written a whole devlog on my accomplishments instead of on Sonic Adventure. But that wouldn't be my style, would it? Just know that the game is taking shape.

As for meeting the goal for a new playtest build... well, June isn't even over yet! I have another week to make it happen. It just means I have to wrap this up and get back to work.

I will leave you with this higher quality version of Amadeus making the Sonic Adventure pose used in the thumbnail. I spent all weekend making it instead of resting; do with it what you will.

And remember:

Place all your bets on the one you think is right! [BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *guitar solo*]